The Max Murdok Program

Stay "Informed" My Friends!

I have NEVER been one to follow pop culture trends. I don’t “tweet” often, I don’t own a “crackberry” and I’m fairly sure I have never been “Metrosexual”. But some of YOU, jeez! Get with the times! You are sooooo “early 2000’s” Happy New Year,..whatever that means. Odds are it won’t be, but I mean it as satirically serious as possible. You can try right?

I could care less. You don’t care if I care less because you know I’m not being careless. If I was you couldn’t care less anyway! If I didn’t care less & you couldn’t care less then we’d both be careless. That’s the problem! See I care, its just enough to be careful, I don’t know why I’m telling you, you could care less. Or maybe your couldn’t care less. Careless on your part I say. Ehh, I don’t care!

Through most of my life I’ve pondered this question. Spending hours just looking out the window as the rain trickled down on a spring afternoon or as I lie awake in bed staring at the ceiling. As I travelled the highways of this country or when I’d sit on the side of a mountain watching clouds drift by. Why is it possible to have an Uncle Dick but not an Aunt Cunt?

Not that I want to make a habit of this, but next time I see a chance I’m going to try and get arrested. However, I plan to demand a female officer frisk or pat me down because frankly, a guy, cop or not, fondling my happy parts is gay. Thats my plan: Yes officer, ma’am. I have something dangerous in my drawers. Thank you. That? Its a Love Gun. Yes, it’s loaded. Owwww MY EYES!!!!

Ladies. Here is how to anger ANY male. Your dad husband clergymen son brother any normally calm male of our species. Refer to their underwear as “panties”. They’ll say …my, my what? Then correct you. Disregard & continue calling them panties. Its risky. Some will leave in anger, some will protest loudly $ homicide is possible. Ehh, some may say aww you caught me but its a fun torment either way. Good luck!

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Balloon Boy's Dad Makes a Break For It!

In what I personally think is the story of 2009, not because the whole world watched in horror thinking there was a kid in that damn balloon, or worse, fell out – but we got a good ol’ fashion slice of Americana Self Serving Pathetic attempt for 15 minutes of “LAME”. I have to hand it to the guy, he went balls out, full on, hard core to prove to everyone that he ( and a lot of people like him ) know no limits and would stoop to any level to share with us all,…..nothing. No substance – no intelligence – no content, fitting in with most TV shows of the time.

So anyway, I whipped up a swell little Photoshop graphic. I posted it on Facebook but its kind of hard to read. I also submitted it to the Huffington Post. Who knows if they’ll post it. Go ahead and check and throw your homie a vote or something.

And yes, the Balloon Idiots are in fact doing their time in Larimer County Jail. I couldn’t find a photo that worked for me. If you find one, or want to take your own, please send it to me. I have no problem making a part two. I actually thought this family was from Boulder. You know the Boulder City Motto right? Welcome to Boulder Colorado: 22.6 Square Miles Surrounded By Reality! So it was only natural for me to assume. I could be wrong but I believe once you move there they in fact give you a Prius or a Subaru along with a shopping spree at Banana Republic. I dunno, that’s the rumor. Enjoy the Photoshopped idiot.

        

Socially unacceptable and blunt, a collection of Max Murdok holiday observation and commentary. Ho Ho Oy!

He's Mr.Green Christmas

Come down your chimney & stuff your stocking with my candy cane sounds dirty to me. I figured I’d ease you all into my Christmas Blasphemy early with the lame easy stuff. I also hang my Christmas Balls under the Mistletoe, so’s ya’s know’s.

Xmas cards, oh plz! I mean really I’ve lived long enough that I’ve heard all the holiday poems, & hate them. I still don’t understand Frankensense & Mir. Send me a note explaining both, no card just a note. I dont wanna see your kid/dog dressed up in Xmas clothes. AND if I’m going to see you ON CHRISTMAS DAY save the stamp and just tell me Merry This or Happy That in person!

What’s with people going crazy with Xmas lights? Suddenly the street looks like the bad part of Vegas. I walked into my neighbors house looking for the Baccarat table & I got comp’d. Got strange looks from their family when I went to the buffet. How is a long lighted fire hazard extension cord festive? Most people lose their holiday cheer when their home burns down.

We get a tree, kill it, then put it by the window and put lights all over it. WHY? So the other trees in the yard can make fun of it? When I see a bunch of dead trees for sale on the corner it looks like a Little Pine Tree Auschwitz to me.

STOP! The touchy feely sissies are at it again, trying to “mate” Christmas & Chanukah! I find Christ-maka or Chanuk-mas or whatever insulting. How would you like it if people started celebrating Arbor Luther King Day?

Does Santa have some deal with Jesus? Since they share the same holiday did Santa get some of Jesus’ super powers. “He knows if you been bad or good”! I though Jesus did that! Come to think of it Last Good Friday, Jesus got stuck in my chimney. (continue reading…)

        

Social Networking is bigger than you think!

I guess I am kind of a kill-joy. I posted on my Facebook page about how so called “Social Network Games” are EVIL. Why? It’s kind of an underhanded way for creating lead gen, gathering personal info, and in some cases signing you up for shit your never wanted. MOST people are smart enough to catch on but sadly a lot don’t see the insidious side and before they know it they are stuck with something they either didn’t want or didn’t understand what they were getting into. Suddenly they are hit with targeted spam and their information sold. This can appear as untargeted spam ( Viagra, Penis Enlargement and so on ) all from what seemed to be the simple act of playing a online game, buying currency or tokens – whatever. Once your info is out there, once you agree to a so called “trial” or “offer” and they get your info, your hell can begin. One of the chief offenders is Video Professor. You decide. Visit their site, then read this article. For a company that claims to be legit they sure do have to defend themselves a lot. The problem lies with the ill defined term “deceptive practices” ( It hurts your head trying to figure out the term ). From VP’s point of view they state they are transparent. From the consumer’s point of view they are taken advantage of. Common sense would say, due to all the complaints, Video Professor needs to be even more transparent. They remain steadfast because if they were to say “Free Means Getting Our Stuff Will Cost You $290 Bucks” no one would take them up on their offer. So to most, making that fact hard to find, or buried in fine print puts them in a catagory most would consider a scam. A lot of people find their way to sites like Video Professor from so called “free give away” sites and now from social networking sites that offer games. The tactic is not new. I have to stress this again and again, it’s also not a bad practice. It’s when a person is lead down a path that they think is fair only to find out later that they have been dupped or flim-flammed that it becomes a problem. Companies argue that it’s the user’s fault. They argue that they have integrity. They are honest. They are on the level and the user made bad choices. Once a company has to do those things, they might as well admit their error and their poor business practices. Once a potential customer becomes a victim & the “blame” placed with them, the jig is up.

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It’s going to take me a while but I’m going to go thru the email addresses and users of maxmurdok.com and delete the “Tools” who signed up and tried to spam the blog. So if you have an email address that ends with .ru or a gmail, any other email address that starts out with sexywebcam@ or pigdiddler@ or mortgage4Ahandjob@ and so on, you are soooo canned.

Now it may happen, I may shit can one of you who are actually a real user, a friend or an innocent user so please, email me if I delete you by mistake and feel free to call me names.

I must say that the various methods I use to defeat spammers on the maxmurdok.com blog are KICKASS! I can’t go into the details of what I use or what methods I employ but I am REAL happy with how the tools have performed.

So that’s it for now. Good bye useless spammer pieces of shit! Oh, I’m all about advertising. If one of you ball bags want to advertise on my site, just contact me, otherwise please find a goat and engage in relations with it please.