The Max Murdok Program

Kind of literally. It’s time for one of those bitchin’ about my health posts including my Crohn’s situation, my heart developments, and just the general state of feeling like shit. This is by no means a pity post. The best way sometime to see results is to put this kind of stuff out there and see where the chips may fall. I do so at the risk of getting some well meaning but not really helpful suggestions. Trust me, I’ve heard most of them. They are like a bad penny,…um whatever the hell that means.

They're out to get me!

Some of you ( and I thank you ) have read my previous posts on my many hospital stays. This post is not about that stuff. This post is basically to share the fact that I am at my wits end with this disease. I know for a fact that many people, unlike me, lead very productive lives with Crohn’s. My situation is different. All those with Crohn’s have different situations and I understand that. I’m posting to get the message out that I need to approach this thing a different way. I am willing to travel to any part of the planet just to have a day where I don’t feel like ass.

So lets back up here and explain a few things, like what I deal with. I always wake up with gut pain. I take meds before bed and I do get OK sleep, sure that could be better too. But my day starts with pain. So the pills are popped and the morning ruined as I wait for things to kick in. Kick in enough for me to be able to sit upright. Thats an accomplishment. Some days when I get past the start of my day one would see me and think I am 100% healthy. Partly I put on a good game face but sometimes, yeah, I feel OK. But at some point that will fade away. I still have blood in my stool. I still run to the head 6 – 10 times a day. When I do have a doctors appointment, other than with my G.P. Dr. Scheeler ( who at least gets some things rolling in the right direction ) it’s usually radiating me in some diabolical machine that, thanks to 6 years of testing, give me a fear – claustrophobia that is off the scale so I have anxiety and usually can’t go thru with the tests. Physically I get sicker. Its lame, I know that. I try to endure it. It doesn’t work and usually my protests fall on deaf ears. Dr. Scheeler already thinks I have had way too much radiation as it is. I joke and I say “Cure me before you kill me – yes, its on a T-shirt now! ) but it’s true.

Dr. Sabel at South Denver G.I. has basically thrown his hands up in a matter of speaking. You know he’s at his wits end when he’s the one suggesting I get a second opinion, and he’s the best in the Denver area. I’m proud to have him as a doctor and since we’ve known each other so long I can call him friend and know he’s giving it to me straight, and he really doesn’t know what to do with me at this point. He suggested The University of Chicago’s Gastroenterology Department. I’ve also looked at Penn State Hershey Gastroenterology – UCLA’s Digestive Disease Center – Hell even the Royal College of Physicians & The British Society of Gastroenterology in London. I wouldn’t rule out Gastroenterology in China for Christ’s sake! Like I said, I will go to ends of the earth to find some kind of relief. For more babble, continue reading… “Gettin’ Tired of Having my Ass Whooped.” »

Barfi Maxi - No really I feel fine!

It’s not like I bitch a lot about being sick, only when I am sick. Sick as in “hospital sick” sick. I blog about it an that’s about it. I have Crohn’s Disease and Sarcoidosis and the crap that goes with that. But people still say “So what don’t you have?” as if I’m some kind of mutated lab experiment gone horribly wrong when in fact I am some kind of mutated lab experiment gone horribly RIGHT,…but that is a whole other story.

Anyway, for the record here if a current list of what I don’t have.

CORNS, ORGAN, REJECTION, SWELLING, BLOODY NOSE, CATATONIA, BAGS UNDER THE EYES, FRECKLE LOSS, NO URINE, BIG EARS, BAD COLD, FREDDIE’S DISEASE, NO TORSO, SUICIDE, HEN TOOTH NATURAL CAUSES, CHRONIC PUSSY FARTS, ONDINE’S CURSE, PULLED GROIN MUSCLE, CHAFING, COLD SORES, SPLIT LIP, ACHES & PAINS, TRICK KNEE, TRICK BALLS, TRICK TOE, SLEEPING SICKNESS, LOBOTOMY, NIGHTMARES, PIGEON TOES, TRIPLE CHIN, WINDBURN, CHRONIC LETHARGY, HOT FLASHES, DOUBLE VISION, CANCER OF THE JOWLS, CLUBFOOT, EXCESS EAR WAX, SUFFOCATION REALLY GROSS SKIN, FALLING NOSE HAIRS, INFECTED TATTOOS, GUNSHOT WOUNDS, ELASTIC POISONING, UNPROVOKED WEEPING, DISLOCATED CROTCH, COMPLETE HAIRLESSNESS, EIGHT MILE FEVER, MIGRATING BEAUTY MARK, UNDESCENDED TESTICLE, CHICKEN BREASTEDNESS, BOTCHED CIRCUMCISION, GHOST LIMBS, INDUSTRIAL DEAFNESS, HAMMERTOE, DOUBLE RECTUM, FALLEN WOMB, INVERTED NIPPLES, OUT-OF-CONTROL MOLES, TRANSIENT SLURRED SPEECH, WATER ON THE PROFILE, SALINE DEPLETION, GENDER AGONY, NEGATIVE BUOYANCY, CURVATURE OF THE MIND, INFECTED DIMPLE, BURNED AT THE STAKE, BUBONIC PLAGUE, BLACK DEATH, MORNING SICKNESS, SUBDURAL HEMATOMA, GRAND MAL SEIZURE, SPASTIC BLADDER, BRAIN TUMOR, NIPPLE SEEP, DRY TEETH, SIX-FOOT NOSE HAIRS, PASSED BALLS, MIDNASAL DRIP, CHAPPED ASS, SPEAR WOUNDS TONSILLITIS, THER CLAP, CRUCIFIXION, TOTAL BODY DIMPLING, FEAR OF CLOTHING, SINGLE NOSTRIL, HORSE SERUM SENSITIVITY, ITCH, TWITCH, WELTS, WARTS, PIMPLES, NITS, SCABS, SCARS, SORES, BOILS, For more babble, continue reading… ““So, What Don’t You Have?”” »

Oh yeah, it's always a party in my guts.

I know some of you are curious about this last bout of Crohn’s & the hospital stay as well as what the hell the plan is or what I go thru. Crohn’s is a colon disease but went it kicks in it effects the whole body. Everything! I was actually in the hospital twice. The end of February, I guess around the 26th or so I woke up in complete pain. Gut pain. It’s not like just getting punched, maybe hit with a bat or tackled by a 300lb lineman,…at the same time. The guts hurt, hurts to breathe, kidneys hurt & the lower back. There are cramps, spasms, and stabbing pain. This pain is actually so intense it brings on the barf. The nausea kicks in. To add insult to injury I usually end up yackin’ my meds up giving the barf that lovely chemical taste. When I vomit the prednisone ( thats what lead to the 2nd hospital stay ) it’s like throwing up Windex, or some kind of chemical solvent. It’s incredibly disgustingly hardcore shitta terrible! This, in addition to all the other stuff I mentioned, creates addition pain in the esophagus and lungs. I’m not sure but it may trigger the damn Sarcoidosis too. Who knows? I haven’t had a heart attack ( gimme time ) but thats the best way to describe the sensation. The brain kicks in, or out – not sure which but I become disoriented. Not that I was ever oriented to begin with, but…

I loose track of time, where I am, what the fuck is going on as I try to cope with sensory overload. I babble ( more than usual ) weep, swear, beg to be shot – you name it. I’m being hit from so many angles with waves of pain. Too much! There are times when this is going on you really do pray for death. That’s not suicidal or meant to sound like some pathetic cry for help, it’s literal. I would at moments rather be dead or at least unconscious.

The ambulance shows up and my now good friend Ernie from Elk Creek tends to me. Sad ( but nice ) that the local ambulance crew knows me, my address, my condition, what hospital I go to, and what to do for me without much info from me or my wife. I’m sadly a regular. Karen is the driver and usually a few fireman & cops show up. Those too know me well. They know me by name, by this web site as well which is kind of fun. I wish I had all their names, I’d give them a shout out and a thank you. We head down the 45 miles or so ( might as well be 1000 miles ) from the Maxi Mini Mansion in Bailey Colorado to Littleton Adventist Hospital. I think I know every bump in the road by now. Ernie pops an I.V. in my arm and stabilizes me the best he can. Stopping the vomiting first, throwing some pain meds in too that really don’t do shit but its better than nothing, aye? The first time I went into the hospital in this episode it didn’t seem bad. I was in a few days, then sent home. The problem with me is my system is so out of whack that the pill I take, the prednisone, I just can’t tolerate them. So the morning of March 4th I woke and I knew. I usually try to fight it which is stupid. I loose every time. I didn’t fight it this time but I didn’t expect things to be as bad as they ended up being either. I started to barf up the lovely prednisone. And like I said before, all the other shit hit at once. I have no clue what happened past that really. I collapsed in the living room and my wife called the ambulance. She said I writhed in pain like she never saw before. I believe it because came to my senses a few hours later, admitted to room 425 completely oblivious as to how I got there. I was drugged pretty good ( for a change ) but still in severe pain. For more babble, continue reading… “13 Shitty Days” »

The place where everything that effects me comes from!

After roughly a month & a half – maybe two of steady improvement I find myself right back into hell. Crohn’s reared its ugly head ( or ass as it were ) to remind me who is in charge here. It certainly isn’t me.

While most people have a coffee, grab the newspaper, and head off for their morning constitutional. I head of for my morning hemorrhage. Please, try not to envy me. Ya know, while I am whining like I little bitch – and because even I don’t remember what I babble about on here, I’ve also developed this fancy schmancy vision related migraine thing (Ocular Migraine). It starts like a little area that I can focus on or make out letters this size. It then, over the course of 20 – 30 minutes, the dot spreads until I have no peripheral vision at all.

This is very close to what I see only it takes up to 35 mins to run its course. Sucks right?

You could be standing right next to me and I wouldn’t know it. Really hope this is a med thing but doc’s don’t think so altho granted – they dunno. I think we can all agree to use the word blindness  however when one of these little huckleberries show up. For a graphic/visual guy it’s less than dandy.

Anyway. If there is a hospital stay or emergency of some mind I’ll be sure to pop updates here, or my wife Shels will.

OK People. KEEP THE FILTH! For more babble, continue reading… “This one came outta,… “Left Field”.” »

So, how have I been doing? I haven’t posted about things because frankly things suck. The good stuff, as I said in older posts is getting off the Oxycontin and other drugs. That was a hard fought battle. The pain is still there of course, and it zaps me of strength big time. I get winded walking a flight of stairs. Also my heart rate is typically at 90 plus beats a minute still. I try to walk or do something, anything and I get exhausted quickly. That I hope goes away in time but its hard to get motivated. Add to that the crohn’s is still there, not as bad but makes itself known. Walking is the best thing I can do, but this disease is inflammatory and does effect my joints as well so I don’t get far. Add to that the hip sometimes gives me For more babble, continue reading… “Health Update n’ other stuff.” »