The Max Murdok Program

Some people are sooooo easy. Got a few emails on my Obama Guevara T-shirt design ( that was removed from Zazzle BTW )

Sensitive liberals unite. I have given you the offensive Obama Guevara Marxist graphic you needed to rally around. Tea Party peeps seem to love it too. So for them, here is a link to a gigantic version you can download and print out if you like. Put it on a sign! YAY!

Silly Marxist!

I have to admit several things here. One, as many of you know, I voted for Barack Obama. I’ve mentioned this several times. Also my motivation, purely selfish on my part. I’m sick and always worried about health care. I’m still not in a good place when it comes to health care and with what this guy is pulling in office, well I have what ever is beyond buyers remorse and may have gotten sicker just stressing over it all. It all hit me like this. We actually elected a community activist who was barely a senator to hold the highest office in the world. That’s our fault, and entitles me to bitch about it. My mistake and the mistakes this guy keeps making. What we should of done was elect the community lunatic who yells at cars passing by all day & who is the galactic emperor of the planet Mongo and I bet we’d see the exact same results, only the second guy would have a good excuse for why he’s fuckin’ things up!

I am an artist. This is what I do. Plus I see Obama as a Che Guevara type of person. I don’t think his intentions are to turn the United States into a Marxist country, nor do I think it would ever happen. I do believe however his political leanings are towards a more socialist government and frankly that scares me. On the upside of this, for any shallow minded pricks who may be out of ammo & want to get a dig in on me – NO, I am not a racist! I think we were long over due for a black president. We are long over due for a female president. And you bet your ass no one would be flying planes into towers if we had a strong black female president! Bet your ass there! I hope I live to see the day when we elect her.

So anyway. I offend people. I use sarcasm, my art, I am a rude tool sometimes but I draw the line of taking what I do so serious as to be offended if people want to read messages into the things I make or the things I say. I’m in a band that sings about farts for Christsake, how serious can I take myself. I must admit, seeing my work on a Tea Party protester poster some where would be swell.

But please, continue to send your emails. I wish you would post your feelings. I get the impression you just want to say what you want to say but not engage in lively debate about it. Shame. I’d love to do that. Oh well.

Finally as an actual program?

Maybe. And,…. AND you, yes YOU could be involved. More on that in a sec.

Lets just say I’m getting my ducks in a row. I actually made a typo when I first wrote that last sentence and said I was going to get my dicks in a row. I assure you it will not be a gay oriented show, gay friendly of course – lets face it, fags is funny. And if you are a fag, don’t get mad I called you a fag. You call each other that! And it’s funny. Alas I digress, and I haven’t even fuckin’ started this blog entry. Sure you’d want me to do a show? Chances are it will be just as chaotic as this post. I guess in a way I will need both my ducks and my dicks in a row, I would hope some of my dear friends who are, lets face it, dicks will join me. That’s half the reason I love the bastards. No, not that I love dicks, I love when they are dicks. Yeah, this post sucks. uh-huh, more dick references.

Coming soon? "the max murdok program"

Anyway, since some of you,….like 4 of you, will be listening I seriously would love to know what you’d like this thing to be about. I’m kind of leaning to doing podcasts then do the occasional live broadcast. There are some details I need to figure out. One, I would like people to be able to call in via Skype more than likely. Man, I’d really love to have advertisers, that would be a hoot. Yes, I said hoot. I’m gonna have to play music because I get tired of hearing myself rattle on and I am sure you would too. I am sure that’ll get me in trouble with ASCAP/BMI but fuck ‘em, I’ll deal with that when it happens. Oh and I gotta play LIVER of course.

I don’t think I’ll limit myself to any one type of topic, I think – as in my life – any thing goes. Same with the music. Hell I plan to do shows when I’m hospitalized, tell me that wouldn’t be good times aye? Me getting shot up with dope, explosive shits, swearing at the medical staff when they make me suffer. Yep, party!

I have my mic’s, little mixer, all the tools, music jingles, programs that I need to do live & podcasts so all I need to do is find the time to test this concept out. But it feels like it needs something more and that is why I posted here. I had some good feedback on facebook. Side note, I am very upset that someone stole my idea for shitfacebook.com – worth a click tho!  Anyway, I think I’d like to have a co-host but I live up in the hills. I do have a couple people in mind that would work out swell and I know I can have a co-host connect from anywhere on the planet, so we’ll have to see. For more babble, continue reading… “the max murdok program” »

If 1 square meter of space was given to all 6 Billion (or so) people on the planet they could all fit easily within the state of Ohio with room to spare. See how insignificant we are?

"I got your Green Movement right here!"

How small in relation to the planet. Most people don’t see this when they look around but really, you are unbelievably tiny when compared to your environment and the planet as a whole.

So, the industrial revolution is roughly 160 years old. To be fair, lets round that up to it being 200 years old because humans have been around burning shit, building shit, and general being shit to one another that long. For sake of argument ( and there will be one ) lets give our pollution prone species and extra 40 years for all their hard fought efforts.

Now 200 years ago the population was a lot smaller. Therefore industry wasn’t as big as it is today. None the less they were polluting the environment willy nilly and continued to do so well up to, again to be fair, today! Industry continued to grow and kind of still does today. Some regulations started kicking in in the late 80′s. So for the last 30 some odd years humanity has been “trying” to clean up its act. Half assed, but sorta kinda trying.

Now, lets go back to that tiny little pile of earthlings, displacing the good people of Ohio. 6 Billion sounds like a lot. That’s cuz it is a lot. But when you look at things comparatively you see that as far as size goes, that isn’t that much. Factor in all the pollution those tiny little Invaders of Ohio and really, how big is it? How big can it be? Sure when we see an up close picture of a landfill it looks impressive. When the helicopter cruises the several miles of an oil spill you look at it with dread. Those big smoke stacks shot dramatically look ominous, but in comparison its actually quite small. Time is the enemy sure – all those years of pumping out crap is what makes the argument. Time. Time is what is actually the problem here. For more babble, continue reading… “Save the WHAT?” »

Oh yeah, it's always a party in my guts.

I know some of you are curious about this last bout of Crohn’s & the hospital stay as well as what the hell the plan is or what I go thru. Crohn’s is a colon disease but went it kicks in it effects the whole body. Everything! I was actually in the hospital twice. The end of February, I guess around the 26th or so I woke up in complete pain. Gut pain. It’s not like just getting punched, maybe hit with a bat or tackled by a 300lb lineman,…at the same time. The guts hurt, hurts to breathe, kidneys hurt & the lower back. There are cramps, spasms, and stabbing pain. This pain is actually so intense it brings on the barf. The nausea kicks in. To add insult to injury I usually end up yackin’ my meds up giving the barf that lovely chemical taste. When I vomit the prednisone ( thats what lead to the 2nd hospital stay ) it’s like throwing up Windex, or some kind of chemical solvent. It’s incredibly disgustingly hardcore shitta terrible! This, in addition to all the other stuff I mentioned, creates addition pain in the esophagus and lungs. I’m not sure but it may trigger the damn Sarcoidosis too. Who knows? I haven’t had a heart attack ( gimme time ) but thats the best way to describe the sensation. The brain kicks in, or out – not sure which but I become disoriented. Not that I was ever oriented to begin with, but…

I loose track of time, where I am, what the fuck is going on as I try to cope with sensory overload. I babble ( more than usual ) weep, swear, beg to be shot – you name it. I’m being hit from so many angles with waves of pain. Too much! There are times when this is going on you really do pray for death. That’s not suicidal or meant to sound like some pathetic cry for help, it’s literal. I would at moments rather be dead or at least unconscious.

The ambulance shows up and my now good friend Ernie from Elk Creek tends to me. Sad ( but nice ) that the local ambulance crew knows me, my address, my condition, what hospital I go to, and what to do for me without much info from me or my wife. I’m sadly a regular. Karen is the driver and usually a few fireman & cops show up. Those too know me well. They know me by name, by this web site as well which is kind of fun. I wish I had all their names, I’d give them a shout out and a thank you. We head down the 45 miles or so ( might as well be 1000 miles ) from the Maxi Mini Mansion in Bailey Colorado to Littleton Adventist Hospital. I think I know every bump in the road by now. Ernie pops an I.V. in my arm and stabilizes me the best he can. Stopping the vomiting first, throwing some pain meds in too that really don’t do shit but its better than nothing, aye? The first time I went into the hospital in this episode it didn’t seem bad. I was in a few days, then sent home. The problem with me is my system is so out of whack that the pill I take, the prednisone, I just can’t tolerate them. So the morning of March 4th I woke and I knew. I usually try to fight it which is stupid. I loose every time. I didn’t fight it this time but I didn’t expect things to be as bad as they ended up being either. I started to barf up the lovely prednisone. And like I said before, all the other shit hit at once. I have no clue what happened past that really. I collapsed in the living room and my wife called the ambulance. She said I writhed in pain like she never saw before. I believe it because came to my senses a few hours later, admitted to room 425 completely oblivious as to how I got there. I was drugged pretty good ( for a change ) but still in severe pain. For more babble, continue reading… “13 Shitty Days” »

Stay "Informed" My Friends!

I have NEVER been one to follow pop culture trends. I don’t “tweet” often, I don’t own a “crackberry” and I’m fairly sure I have never been “Metrosexual”. But some of YOU, jeez! Get with the times! You are sooooo “early 2000′s” Happy New Year,..whatever that means. Odds are it won’t be, but I mean it as satirically serious as possible. You can try right?

I could care less. You don’t care if I care less because you know I’m not being careless. If I was you couldn’t care less anyway! If I didn’t care less & you couldn’t care less then we’d both be careless. That’s the problem! See I care, its just enough to be careful, I don’t know why I’m telling you, you could care less. Or maybe your couldn’t care less. Careless on your part I say. Ehh, I don’t care!

Through most of my life I’ve pondered this question. Spending hours just looking out the window as the rain trickled down on a spring afternoon or as I lie awake in bed staring at the ceiling. As I travelled the highways of this country or when I’d sit on the side of a mountain watching clouds drift by. Why is it possible to have an Uncle Dick but not an Aunt Cunt?

Not that I want to make a habit of this, but next time I see a chance I’m going to try and get arrested. However, I plan to demand a female officer frisk or pat me down because frankly, a guy, cop or not, fondling my happy parts is gay. Thats my plan: Yes officer, ma’am. I have something dangerous in my drawers. Thank you. That? Its a Love Gun. Yes, it’s loaded. Owwww MY EYES!!!!

Ladies. Here is how to anger ANY male. Your dad husband clergymen son brother any normally calm male of our species. Refer to their underwear as “panties”. They’ll say …my, my what? Then correct you. Disregard & continue calling them panties. Its risky. Some will leave in anger, some will protest loudly $ homicide is possible. Ehh, some may say aww you caught me but its a fun torment either way. Good luck!

For more babble, continue reading… “In your FACEbook,…continued.” »