The Max Murdok Program

My name is Max and I’m a sick bastard.

Literally.

BUT before we get into all that, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am ( at the time of posting ) 43 Earth years old. I was born and put up for adoption in Philadelphia and then lived in a small town in New Jersey called “the” Villas. My given name at the time was Douglas Brian Hays. My real name is now Max Murdok. I work, perform, and do business as Max Murdok – a legal entity. If some want to refer to me as that other name, knock yourself out. Just know, I hate it. Thank you for doing something I hate. We are all given a name but it’s not “OUR” name. We didn’t have a say in the matter. Ever meet a super model named Blanch? Or a muscle bound rage-roid club bouncer named Gaylord?

I am neither but I still can choose the name I wish.

I feel as if its one of those unspoken luxuries that no one really utilizes. After finding out I was adopted I hold no allegiances to the name – only to a handful of those with Hays as a last name. Truth be fully told, in addition to all that – I don’t like the name Doug because of the sheer fact my mother named me that and as I child she was abusive to me. I want no part of anything from that woman, including the name. I can only hope those who use the name Doug understand that I do find it a little offensive, if they know why I hate the name and continue to use it. I mean, call me what you want – call me Asshole Head for all I care, but these are the reasons why I have chosen, and my family and good friends call me Max or Maxi now. For the band in 1987, having the name Max Murdok made it difficult for the weirdo’s to find me since I wasn’t going by my real name.  Many MANY more people know me as Max.

Anyway, back to about whoever or whatever I am, for a while I lived in central Florida ( Union Park, Oviedo ) where I graduated Full Sail with a degree in Video Production/Film Making in 1994- I then went on to teach there as well until 1998. I did some freelance work on the backlot of Universal, worked on a few low/no budget films. Got to make one in school and generally had a blast recording LIVER. LIVER is a band that was always me and Claudio Von Statzell and then hired guns to round out a band. Mostly it was sequenced everything with Claudio and I playing guitar and singing. Full Sail is also where I met my future wife, Shels. We were just friends all these years and stayed in touch, I don’t think either of us saw marriage in our futures. Well not to each other thats for sure. We were married in 2006. She is my best friend and certainly the best thing that ever happened to a schmuck like me. That’s for damn sure. The stuff that woman endures, well it’s amazing. Could you put up with me? I’m a nightmare now and even worse, albeit disturbingly entertaining, when I’m healthy – which I haven’t been in some time.

In 1999 I moved to Colorado where I was Senior Designer for Excite.com/Matchlogic. That was pretty kickass and good money until the internet bubble burst and I ended up back in Florida, this time St. Pete where I worked for the now defunct Travel & Tourism ad agency Yessawich, Pepperdine and Brown as Director of New Media. Missing Colorado and not to excited about being car jacked in Tampa ( long story there – maybe a blog post someday ), I found my way back and was hired my a company called Virtuas which specialized in Open Source. That opened up a whole new world for me, a place where I could use my talents in design along with Open Source technologies. I also had the pleasure of meeting and working with the best & brightest human beings on the planet. I am purposely leaving out the fact that I briefly,…how about “mistakenly” worked for “Video Professor”, the li’l bald headed tool on TV pushin’ as of now his “Learn Ebay” training CD’s. The concept is great its the products and business practices that blow donkey. They will probably see this as they have surf nazi’s who go out looking for slander on the company or on John Scherer – they are pretty sue happy, and with good reason. When your business model is built on the fine print things are bound to come back and smack you on the ass, ask the credit card companies John. I was only there a few months as Virtuas was in a transition state. Video Professor sucks as far as a company goes, but some incredible people work there. I couldn’t help but bring a few with me back to Virtuas. I like to think I rescued them and who knows – gave them the platform for their talents to explode. I know having them with Virtuas helped the company immensely.

I started Timberline Group, ( changed to 285 Creative in 2008 ) a media and production company for outdoor sports, then a Online Newspaper, and a design company. I got into offroading and my Jeep – loved the outdoors and all, but soon, I started feeling like crap – and just couldn’t get better. In early 2004 I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Colitis ( basically what I have is Crohn’s Disease that presents as Ulcerative Colitis ). Then in 2007, after having trouble walking I was diagnosed with Avascular Necrosis and a hip replacement was suggested. Add to that severe sleep apnea – off the scale stress – vomiting in my sleep, then Sarcoidosis and so on and so forth blah yadda blah and you have the current train wreck that is called,…. ME. And recently, added to all that fun – my disability insurance was shit canned. I have been too sick to make appointments with my many doctors and to an insurance company, that apparently means “Ahh, he’s not going to see the doctors anymore – he must be cured!!! Let’s shit can his disability!!! ) I’ll update here if I ever get that back. I take enough medication that may not kill a horse but certainly could earn me a DUI ( see this updated posting on my pain medication situation )not to mention, I have trouble walking and constant gut pains that only get worse – not better. Yeah Yeah, I know,.. woe is me. It is!

Since getting sick, sadly Virtuas Open Source Solutions is no more in a sense. I was then transfered to our sister company Synteras, which is own by the parent company Qivliq. They have been super supportive and understanding ( especially Race Regina and Stan ), not to mention helpful since I took this turn and ended up in the situation I’m in. The only positive things that have happened since getting ill; Like I said, I married Shels in 2006 – bought a house early in 2007 in Bailey Colorado – up in the hills where I’ve always wanted to be and we added a fourth Pug to the family. We have Molly, Dweezil, Rizzo and Vinny.

The dogs and the house in the mountains are better than any drug I’m taking, the side effects are wonderful and it’s the best treatment I’ve been on. Well, the other thing that keeps me going – I’m blessed with some of the kindest, most understanding, giving and unselfish friends an Eastcoast Born Mountain Bastard with a limp and bad colon could ever have. Doesn’t matter if they are people I’ve been fortunate enough to work with, go wheelin’ with – people I’ve met online playing World of Warcraft – or the maniac’s that I’ve been friends with forever. You are the best and thank you for being part of this with me.

So anywho, the reason for all this – the blog and the topics – its all rather simple. I can’t always talk about what I’m going through and really, I hate doing so – my health situation I mean. I used to be pretty damn healthy. So it’s not easy to talk about this. So what happens is, I go long periods keeping to myself and people either think I’m too sick to talk or dead. The only logical thing for me was to put together this site, and post as often as I can. And maybe even help someone going through the same or similar things while also informing my friends and family on my condition. I also decided to expand it to also include all the warped and silly shit I’ve either done or still try to do in spite of my health. I may be ill, but I’m not dead. I’ll stop doing the silly shit when I don’t have a choice and even then I may find a way. Don’t count me out. I can still chat about technology, religion, politics and JEEPS and plan to when I’m not bitchin’ about my health. It’s the other things in my life that help me keep my mind off being a mess.

At the moment my Crohn’s doesn’t seem to be in full on flare stage, ( again – read this posting ) but certainly not in remission. I now also have to walk with the aid of a cane. It’s almost dapper, except for the fact that I’m rotten from the inside out. I have good days and bad with my guts and with my hip. I am trying to eat better, lots of Omega 3′s – and healthier food. I’m off a lot of the meds I was on before, but still on the pain killers which I’m fully addicted to now. My Doc’s prefer I don’t call it that, but it is what it is. This from the guy who wouldn’t even take aspirin when he had a headache, hell I never even smoked pot.

I’m not very good at accepting I have all these things I’ve had to deal with, especially stress & depression. I didn’t believe it existed before. But after having to deal with insurance companies, and medical billing processes, ( and my wife does most of that – and it still makes me batty! ) and learning about the things that afflict me – and how medicine that’s supposed to help can harm, all of this…Yeah, now I’m pretty sure depression exists and it sucks. But it will not beat me. None of this will.

And thus, the motivation for the blog. I deal, cope, learn and then vent, share, entertain and inform here. Hopefully that reduces some stress. Hopefully my friends and family who have been on the side-lines with this whole thing can feel like they are somehow a part of this with me now. Hopefully a stranger stumbles in here and finds something useful or shares a laugh or two. Hopefully those strangers in turn become friends as well. Hopefully I’ll make it through all this and then go back – and use all this to make a book and then Hopefully pay all my medical bills. HA!

As you can tell, I am the king of “TMI”. Actually, I don’t believe in such a thing as Too Much Information. This site will share my anger, my sense of humor and my opinions. Honestly, I will share my pain as well, and I won’t hold back. I can’t. This blog o’ mine will share with you advice should you find yourself in the same situation as me, and it will show you how to tell certain groups and organizations to go fuck themselves without them catching on until months later. It will have good stuff, creepy stuff, sad stuff and stuff funnier than balls. C’mon… balls are pretty darn funny looking. There you have it. Not even remotely a molecule on the tip of the iceberg that is Max Murdok, or Max Hays or Dougie. If anything you find in here offends or disgusts you, go take a bath. Don’t come back. Go get some love. Even if love is some hand cream and a tube sock, or a sheep. I don’t wanna find the lord. He’s right where you left ‘em, nailed to the wall at your church.

Fundamentally I do not trust ANYTHING that has or needs a handbook. Please leave me out. I look at it quite simply and wonder why it causes debate. All religions are wrong. All of them. There then should be nothing to discuss. All of them are wrong because all of them think they are right. You can’t have that. And since most have some kinda spooky something or other telling you do this or that because “I love you and if you don’t I’ll kill you….” like I said, all religions are wrong. I picture when I die, a woman goddess- not a male god, will come up to me and thank me for not getting involved in the whole mess. I say woman god because no woman god would have had Mayans rip out beating hearts and roll corpses down the steps, or burn down villages – rape all the women – kill the children and the livestock if you and your people don’t convert to their invaders religion. How many female goddesses would speak to a pastor and say, you want to convert
souls? Build a waterpark! Sorry. Plus only a female god would of made balls and make them a defense button for women to use against us. No male god would of done that! I’ll go with the idea of a goddess who doesn’t use scare tactics and war and mindless fear to get me on board. That’s me and my idea of religion. Please don’t bring it up in debates on the blog unless I do. And when I do, you won’t have a leg to stand on.

If you wanna have intelligent debate or discussion however, or silly debate or discussions, or redonkulous whackaloon debate or discussions, that is entirely fine with me. It’ll get my mind off of feeling like shit. I don’t take myself serious, I expect the same out of my visitors and posters. If you wanna get all cranky and uppity because I offended you, that’s fine. You are completely encouraged to make an ass out of yourself on my blog at any time, on any post.

Well, that sums it all up I guess. Thats me, this is my blog and that’s that I guess. Oh yeah, TWITTER me,… ( think that works, what do I know? ) or hey, we could chat right here: