The Max Murdok Program

Socially unacceptable and blunt, a collection of Max Murdok holiday observation and commentary. Ho Ho Oy!

He's Mr.Green Christmas

Come down your chimney & stuff your stocking with my candy cane sounds dirty to me. I figured I’d ease you all into my Christmas Blasphemy early with the lame easy stuff. I also hang my Christmas Balls under the Mistletoe, so’s ya’s know’s.

Xmas cards, oh plz! I mean really I’ve lived long enough that I’ve heard all the holiday poems, & hate them. I still don’t understand Frankensense & Mir. Send me a note explaining both, no card just a note. I dont wanna see your kid/dog dressed up in Xmas clothes. AND if I’m going to see you ON CHRISTMAS DAY save the stamp and just tell me Merry This or Happy That in person!

What’s with people going crazy with Xmas lights? Suddenly the street looks like the bad part of Vegas. I walked into my neighbors house looking for the Baccarat table & I got comp’d. Got strange looks from their family when I went to the buffet. How is a long lighted fire hazard extension cord festive? Most people lose their holiday cheer when their home burns down.

We get a tree, kill it, then put it by the window and put lights all over it. WHY? So the other trees in the yard can make fun of it? When I see a bunch of dead trees for sale on the corner it looks like a Little Pine Tree Auschwitz to me.

STOP! The touchy feely sissies are at it again, trying to “mate” Christmas & Chanukah! I find Christ-maka or Chanuk-mas or whatever insulting. How would you like it if people started celebrating Arbor Luther King Day?

Does Santa have some deal with Jesus? Since they share the same holiday did Santa get some of Jesus’ super powers. “He knows if you been bad or good”! I though Jesus did that! Come to think of it Last Good Friday, Jesus got stuck in my chimney. For more babble, continue reading… “Merry This & Happy That” »